Sunday, January 18, 2015

#8Sunday #SexySnippets #WeekendWritingWarriors: Luna

Happy Sunday, lovelies!

Apologies for being MIA but returning to work has been hectic, my muse has run off with one of my hero's and isn't sharing any information and I've just been feeling meh.

Also apologies  to my fellow authors because I've been unable to visit their blogs and I'm sure I've been missing out on some wonderful snippets!

Today's snippet is from a story I started writing a long time ago and never finished. Now, I'm considering going back to it... I'd love your thoughts.


*creative editing to keep to the guidelines has probably taken place*
#SexySnippets and #8Sunday Sentences  

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 She’d barely finished tying her shoelaces when something caught her attention. Leaves rustled in the forest in front of her but there was no wind, no reason for the trees to move. She walked toward the sound, stopping at the invisible line that separated the trees from the cement. Shivering she wrapped her mantle tightly around her and began to turn around. Then, she heard it. gasped. No. It couldn’t be.

She was far away and Feli had assured her the bunker was gone.

Her feet moved at their own volition, inching toward the sound that called to her like a snake charmer’s flute.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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  1. Loved that last line and the rest is very atmospheric. Great snippet.

  2. Draws me in and makes me curious as to what the sound is. The only thing I might be inclined to remove as an edit, would be the reason for the leaves to move. Rustling leaves with no wind already makes me've already piqued my curiosity and don't need to then tell me to be curious.

  3. I agree with Millie. Let the story unfold. I fear for her safety already.

  4. I think it's an intriguing tale, Elyzabeth. You might want to make it clear what she heard. You said "she heard it" so the next line should be what she heard. Good snippet. :)

  5. Such an intriguing snippet, Elyzabeth. Yes, please, write more :-)

  6. Elyzabeth, adding on to what Siobhan said, I'd like to know what she heard. I don't mean that I want you to identify what she heard. I'd like hints what it sounds like. My imagination is already piqued. I'd love to have some tidbits to feed it. :-) But I'm enjoying the suspense. I'd like to read the polished version. You're such a good writer.

    One other thing jumped out at me. "Her feet moved at their own volition," I think the more common expression is "of" instead of at. Hence, "Her feet moved of their own volition,"

    Good 8! Have a great week. :-)

  7. Ooh, I'm intrigued in so many ways and I definitely want more, please! Great snippet!

  8. You certainly got my attention. I agree about describing the type of sound. E.g a bird call, a growl, twig snapping, etc. just to give the reader something to work with. Happy writing.


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