Happy Sunday!
Thank you for the comments from last week, they were really helpful to clean up that snippet. Today, we're moving on as Serrik chases her. He has hidden behind a tree and is about to do a little something...
Let's
recap: Clare (aka Luna), has met a mysterious, yet hunky, alien who's
come to take her back to his home. She believes he's Mikelo, the alien
boy she'd met twenty years ago... but he's presented himself as Serrik.
In shock, Clare doesn't know how to react. Serrik taunts her and asks
her why she is not screaming. In the previous snippet he tells her that
her destiny is tied with his people. Clare denies it and he threatens
her. Serrik will do whatever it takes to get Clare back to his world and
to Mikelo.
Serrik has let Clare know that if she doesn't adapt to his alien world she'll die (be killed). Clare runs and Serrik follows at a slow pace until he gets tired, hides behind a tree and...
Snippet 10
Snippet 11Serrik has let Clare know that if she doesn't adapt to his alien world she'll die (be killed). Clare runs and Serrik follows at a slow pace until he gets tired, hides behind a tree and...
Finally, you can read the older snippets here:
Snippet 12
Hope you're all having a great weekend!
XOXO,
Elyzabeth
Elyzabeth
ps: Creative editing has taken place to fulfill guidelines!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Sirosa," he whispered while pressing his thumb and
index finger against its trunk. It took only a few seconds, but the trick was
as effective as back home. Clare came crashing through the underbrush without
seeing him. She was running out of stamina and her breathing was labored, while sweat
ran down her face. She ran forward a few more feet, then
stopped and glanced back, searching for him. Relieved that he was nowhere in
sight, she bent over her waist, shaking and gasping for breath. He almost felt
sorry for her. Almost.
Slowly, barely stirring the grass beneath his feet he left the
tree and approached her. If she turned now, she would be able to see him, but
her breathing was too loud, her desperation too great.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
So, what do you think?
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Fantastic writing, Elyzabeth. You're painted the scene so well. I'm afraid she'll never get away from him. :-) But will he change his mind about taking her to Mikelo? I'm more concerned about what Mikelo wants with her...
ReplyDeleteI hope your allergies are not as problematic this week. It's been a crazy year for pollen here.
Thanks Teresa! Ah, as well you should be concerned about MIkelo... *wink*
DeleteFortunately, my allergies have been better this week. Thanks for asking, Teresa! *hugs*
Great adrenaline in this snippet! She shouldn't turn around and should just keep running.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet. A lot of tension in a small space.
ReplyDeleteBravo. Every word moves the reader forward to a frightening destination or maybe not. Suspense. I love it.
ReplyDeleteFascinated by the story as always. I like the way he lured her to where he wants her to be. Can't wait for whatever comes next!
ReplyDeleteOh. My! I do fear for her, I have to say. Excellent snippet.
ReplyDeleteGood visuals of her exhaustion. So good, in fact, that I don't think you need 'She was running out of stamina' because you've shown it.
ReplyDeletePesky aliens. So hard to escape from. Nice excerpt.
ReplyDeleteShe's at her limit, and it seems like he's just started... I really do fear for our dear Claire
ReplyDelete